Fushigiboshi's Revered Rules
by Zaywrites
Summary: Fushigiboshi's council presented a few rules which, when not followed carefully, might cause destruction in the magical planet. Oneshot.
**The Revered Rules of Wonder Planet**

Yo, minna! I wrote this after stumbling upon these drop dead hilarious fan fictions: _The Seven Sacred Rules of SA, Rules of Seigaku,_ and _Rules of Rikkai Dai Gaku Fuzoku_. I fell from my chair, laughing nonstop. My stomach still hurts amidst writing this.

Kudos to mjpo3, SugarTensai, and Kurarevolution. You guys are amazing!

Please REVIEW. Give me some love people!

Anyways, to Guest, Sguest1, and Chiyo Miyuki, thank you for always reviewing. And to Random Person, you don't know how much I missed you * _sniffles*_. You guys rock!

I do not own Fushigiboshi no Futagohime/Gyu

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The following rules are in accordance to Fushigiboshi's royal code and abide the laws of Fushigiboshi's legislative council.

 **Warning:** Disobeying the following rules is strictly prohibited for it will endanger your life. It's a mandate to follow these rules, or else, chaos will arise. Don't blame me if something happens to you. Remember, you've been warned.

 _ **Rule number one: The twin princesses are exempted in all cooking classes**_

"FIRE! AHHH! EXPLOSION!" The home economics teachers screamed.

"Calm down, maam. We're sending firefighters."

"THE KITCHEN IS BURNING! AHH-"

The line went dead.

The next day…

"I wonder what happened to Furukawa-sensei." Fine asked, stuffing some cookie in her mouth.

"She's suffering from second degree burns."

 _ **Rule number two: Don't dare lay a finger on Rein or you'll regret it**_

"Toma-kun!"

"Oh, Rein."

"Can I borrow your lectures?"

"…yeah, just return them tomorrow."

"Okay, thank you!"

"Anyways, are you free this afternoon?" Toma asked, smirking. He casually wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"…I have tasks this afternoon."

"That's okay. I'll help you if-"

 _Three, two, one…_ SNAP

"AHHH! My finger! It's broken and BLEEDING!"

"Wh-what happened?!" Rein panicked.

Shade popped out of nowhere, and turned to Toma with a smile that meant 'you-dug-your-own-grave-bastard'.

The flowered wilted on Shade's dangerous, murderous aura.

 _ **Rule number three: Tio is not allowed to use more than two swords while dancing samba, no matter how good he is at using swords**_

"Hey, Tio, what are you doing? That's dangerous, you know."

"…shut up…Auler…am trying…to…use…three swords while…dancing…"

"B-be careful, you'll stab yourself if you handle it that way!"

STAB

"AHHH! Hang in there, bud! Someone! Call an ambulance! Someone's bleeding to death!"

 _ **Rule number four: Do not ever confront either Elizabetta or Altezza if you want to preserve your sanity**_

"Altezza, hot air balloons are too expensive."

"Do you doubt my ideas?

"No…that's not-"

"I told you. You should listen to Elizabetta-sama. That cocky, blonde brat knows nothing about these stuffs."

Altezza felt a vein pop on her forehead.

"How dare you compare your stupid idea to my creative one?"

"How dare you call me stupid?!"

"She said your idea is stupid, not you."

"SHUT UP!"

"It's a showdown between high maintenance brats."

"You conniving woman! You know nothing about me!"

"I'm way better than you!"

"At least my hair is straight!"

"That's not the case here!"

 **Note:** The rests of the conversation had been deleted due to language use, ultimate arrogance, and sarcasms.

 _ **Rule number 5: Never trust Auler with directions**_

"…Auler, are you sure it's here?"

"Yes! I've hiked here several times already!"

"I think we're lost."

"No, we're not! Believe me!"

"We've circled this forest five times already."

"No, this is an entirely different place! We're almost there! I can already see the rest house!"

"This is a cliff, Auler. I don't see any rest house."

"Good observation, Shade. We're supposed to pass a cliff!"

"AH! GET ME OUT OF THIS CLIFF!"

"Is that Tio?"

"SOMEONE GIVE ME A ROPE! Don't move, Tio!"

"NOOO! A snake bit me!"

"…hey, I think that's Fango."

"RUN! WILD BOAR!"

"…I think we should run?"

After walking and circling the forest for 20 times, arriving at the exact place 25 times, wandering off cliffs 17 times, stumbling upon dangerous snakes ten times, and being chased by wild boars two times…Auler finally gave up.

"…guys, I have to tell you something."

All heads turned to him.

"We're lost."

"…"

"Give me a rope. Let's tie him up."

"Someone grab him."

 _ **Rule number 6: Never EVER make eye contact with Bright when he's smiling**_

"I'll let you strike first." A senior smugly spoke, waving his sword oh-so casually.

"That's nice of you, sempai." Bright smiled. His smile shone brighter than the sun.

"AHHHH! MY EYES HURT! HIS SMILE IS BLINDING ME!"

 _ **Rule number 7: Refuse Sophie's invitation on visiting zoos**_

"Sophie, what were you doing earlier?"

"I am observing some animals."

"Wh-what are you holding?"

"Oh, it's a snake."

"…I know. Why do you have it?"

"He's lonely so I unlocked him from the cage."

A few seconds later, the maintenance man screamed, running for his dear life.

"RUN! WILD ANIMALS ON RAMPAGE! I REPEAT! WILD ANIMALS ARE-AHHHH!"

"…Sophie?"

"Well, the other animals looked lonely too, so I unlocked their cages." Sophie answered happily.

"…oh, dear."

 _ **Rule number eight: Don't leave your food unattended specifically when Fine is around**_

"Have you seen the chocolate shavings?"

"…no idea."

"Did anyone see the apples on the fridge?"

"..."

"The picnic basket is missing."

"..."

"Fine, where are the sandwiches?"

"…I-I ate it all."

 _ **LAST RULE…and the most important: It's either show some respect on Shade's garden or never EVER attempt on doing ANYTHING that will mess his mood**_

 **Note:** Again, it's for your own safety…so don't EVER try provoking him if you still value your life.

 **Tip:** Keep a few meters away from Rein. It's a hundred percent unsafe if you get too close to her.

"Rein! Look! I picked these flowers for you!"

"…oh, thank you. But, they look so familiar. I wonder where I've seen them." Rein felt perturbed.

"…hehe, really?" The young student was oblivious that he just stepped on a landmine.

"Sagara-kun, where did you get those flowers?"

"…from the garden?" He coyly answered amidst looking at Rein.

Shade's eyes darkened

 _(Due to the explicit violence of the next scenes, it is advisable to leave it as it is. Thank you for your understanding.)_

"And you dare hit on my girl with those flowers I grew on my garden, you idiot."

And the student remained brain scarred and traumatized for the rest of his life.

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So, how was it? Please tell me if I have a future in writing CRACK fics.


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